Slang – Cockney rhyming slang

Butcher’s hook – A look

Apple and pears – Stairs

Whistle and flute – suit

Boat race – Face

Syrup of figs – Wig

Trouble and strife – Wife

Mince pies – Eyes

Dustbin lids – Kids

Skin and blister – Sister

Tom and Dick – Sick

Ruby Murray – Curry

Weasel and stoat – Coat

Taters in the mould – Cold

China plate – Mate

Duck and Dive – Hide

Tea leaf – Thief

Titfer – Hat (Titfer = tit for tat)

Plates of meat – Feet

North and south – Mouth

Ball and chalk – Walk

Rub-a-dub – Pub

Todd Sloane – Alone

Half-inch – Pinch

Giraffe – Laugh

Tea leaf – Thief

Gert and Daisy – Crazy

Rosy Lee – Tea

Hank Marvin – Starving

Have a butcher’s at this photo Ed. Do you know any of the people standing in front of the apple and pears?

Of course I do Judy. The man in the whistle was my grandfather and the woman next to him was my grandmother.

Yes? I thought I would have recognised their boats. I’ve seen them in other photos.

It’s probably because of the way they were dressed up. My grandfather was as bald as a coot, but he was wearing a syrup for this photo. I don’t know why.

They were probably going to a fancy dress party. Even though it’s a black and white photo, I can see that his trouble and strife – your grandmother – had beautiful mince pies.

Yes, they were deep blue. Do you recognise those dustbin lids sitting in front of them?

I guess they must be your father, Ed senior and his skin and blister, Mary. He looks a bit tom and dick.

He told me he’d eaten a big ruby murray before the photo was taken, so he was in a right two and eight.

Yes, he looks like he was. Your auntie looks older, but otherwise the same

I think she’s still got that weasel and stoat she’s wearing and this photo is nearly 50 years old

Happy days.

Not always. I remember it was taters in their house. His best china Stan was a tea leaf and often came round to duck and dive from the police. He used to wear a titfer to try and disguise himself

Did that work?

Not really. The coppers could recognise his plates of meat from 100 metres. He wore size 15 shoes. He had a very distinctive north and south too. Anyway, when the coast was clear, my Grandad and Stan would take a ball and chalk down to the rub-a-dub

Leaving your Grandmother on her todd, with the kids. What did Stan used to half-inch?

Teapots.

Teapots? You are having a giraffe aren’t you? He was a tea leaf, who stole teapots. I think I’ve heard it all now.

Yes, it’s all a bit gert and daisy when you think about it. Talking of teapots, we could do with a nice cup of rosy lee.

I suppose you want something to eat too.

Yes please Judy. This nostalgia has made me hank marvin.

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Acker Bilk (n) – Milk

Do you want acker bilk in your tea?

Apple and pears – Stairs

Get up those apple and stairs. It is bedtime.

Apple pie (n) – Sky

Look at the apple pie Wendy. I’ve never seen it so blue.

April showers (n) – Flowers

Don’t forget to water the April showers in the garden.

Auntie Ella – Umbrella

It might rain later. I better take an auntie ella.

Aunt Joanna – Piano

My father liked to play on the joanna when he came home from work.

Ball and Chalk – Walk

Shall we go for a ball and chalk?

Bees and honey – Money

I haven’t got any bees and honey in my pockets.

Boat Race – Face

Look at ‘er boat. She looks as miserable as sin.

Brown Bread – Dead

Her grandfather has been brown bread for over 20 years.

Butcher’s hook – A look

Have a butcher’s at this photo.

China plate – Mate (friend)

Cheer up my old china, things could be worse.

Currant bun – Sun

It’s been so cloudy all day, that we haven’t seen the currant bun once.

Dicky dirt (n) – Shirt

Mum did you wash my favourite dickie dirt?

Dog and bone – Phone

My wife spends all evening on the dog, talking to her mother.

Duck and Dive – Hide

I had to duck and dive from my wife today. I broke her favourite mug and she’s very angry.

Duke of Kent – Rent

I had to borrow money from my sister, so that I could pay the duke of kent.

Duke of Spain – Rain

Look at those grey clouds. I’m sure we’ll see the duke of spain come down later.

Dustbin lids – Kids

Those dustbin lids are making too much noise upstairs.

Gert and Daisy – Crazy

Ted’s a bit gert and daisy. He takes his cat for a walk in the evening.

Giraffe – Laugh

You are having a giraffe, aren’t you? You are not going to the restaurant dressed like that.

Half-inch – Pinch (to steal)

I half-inched this apple from the market stall.

Hampstead Heath (n) – Teeth

He has had so many problems with his Hampstead’s. He’s been to the dentist three times this week

Hank Marvin – Starving

I haven’t eaten all day. I’m absolutely hank marvin.

I don’t adam-and-eve it (exp) – I don’t believe it

I don’t adam-and-eve it! Someone has stolen my bicycle.

Jam jar – Car

Get in the jam jar, we are driving to the beach.

Loaf of Bread – Head

What have you got in that loaf of yours? You never think about your brother.

Mince Pies – Eyes

Look at her mince pies. They are as blue as the sky.

Mork and Mindy – Windy

Forget about putting your hat on. It’s too mork and mindy.

Mutt and Jeff (adj) – Deaf

Can you speak up? I’m a bit mutt and jeff.

North and south – Mouth

I wish you would shut your north and south. You’ve been talking non-stop all evening.

Pete Tong – Wrong

Decorating this Christmas tree is not easy. It’s all gone a bit pete tong.

Plates of meat – Feet

I’ll be happy to put my plates of meat up on the sofa. I’ve been standing all day.

Roger Moore – Door

Shut the roger moore, it is getting cold in here.

Rosy Lee – Tea

Any chance of a rosy lee? I am really thirsty.

Rub-a-Dub – Pub

Let’s go to the rub-a-dub and have a few pints.

Ruby Murray – Curry

That Indian restaurant serves the best ruby, anywhere in London.

Sherbert dab (n) – Taxi (cab)

Shall we get a sherbert to the airport? It’s easier than the bus.

Skin and Blister – Sister

I haven’t seen your skin and blister all day. Is she even here?

Skyrocket – Pocket

Put your money back in your skyrocket. I’m paying.

Syrup of figs – Wig

Look! The wind has blown his syrup of his head.

Taters in the mould – Cold (Taters = potatoes)

Get your winter coat, it’s really taters outside.

Tea leaf – Thief

Some tea leaf has stolen my newspaper. It was on the table.

Titfer – Hat (Titfer = tit for tat)

Oh no! I left my titfer on the bus.

Todd Sloane – Alone

I’ll be on my todd this evening. My wife and kids are going to the cinema.

Tom and Dick – Sick

I should not have gone down that slide. I’m feeling a bit tom and dick now.

Trouble and strife – Wife

I’ll see if I can borrow some money from my trouble and strife.

Two and eight – State (of being upset)

After the car accident she was in a right two and eight. She’s okay now.

Weasel and stoat – Coat

That’s a lovely weasel and stoat. Where did you buy it?

Whistle and flute – suit

I’ve got to get a new whistle for my sister’s wedding

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